Sex, intimacy what does that mean? What does that look like? Why is it such a hard topic to talk about? Growing up as woman who appreciates and understands the importance of sex and intimacy it was hard to be in the society I am in that created the idea of it being taboo to talk about it or to express yourself especially as a woman. I wonder why, considering sex is the avenue that humans are created from. That to me never made sense… When we are rejecting the idea of sex being magical, aren’t we rejecting the idea of who we are?! I guess when you see it as a job to only make babies then yeah sure maybe then it MIGHT make sense. In the olden days even now in some cultures sex is viewed as a job to make babies. That concept has continued to travel down from one generation to the next. That is one of the reasons that we lack education when it comes to sex and intimacy, for that reason many teens are getting pregnant.
Why do we deprive ourselves of having the most incredible sex? Why are we afraid of learning about who we are sexually? When I took the time to learn about who I am and what I am capable of, it created safety and pleasure. It allowed me to explore my sexuality. Having fantasies is a healthy thing to have and being able to create a safe place for mine to explore it is important in any relationship. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean one size fits all. What works for one couple will definitely not work for another. We have to be willing to see what will work and not force it to be anything it cannot withstand, otherwise it will break.
For the longest time I grew up with the belief and understanding that I was too much, my sexuality wasn’t something I should be comfortable with and I should hide that part of me… but if I hide that part of me aren’t I hiding who I am as a person? To be told that sex or even talking about sex is shameful, and to hide that part of myself felt like someone stole a part of my identity. Nothing about sex is shameful or should be hidden. Years later I had to learn to let go of the old beliefs I had been taught and had been ingrained in me about intimacy and sex. For the first time in my life twenty something years old and three kids later I had to go explore that part of me. I had to find myself and teach her that it is safe to not hide anymore. SAFE/SAFETY was my biggest enemy in this situation.
From a young age for as long as I can remember I was always a very sexual person, but always being told that is not appropriate or that girls do not say or do that created the lack of feeling safe in my own skin. Even though I always knew I was safe and everyone around me would express that, yet never truly understanding what it meant to feel safe in every cell of my body. It took one person to come into my life to change that, this person didn’t even express to me with words that I am safe but all it took was that person’s essence. To have this person present and near me is all it took for me to realize what it means to feel safe in every cell of my body. The feeling in the moment was scary because I didn’t know what was happening right then and there. Not till I put it together and made the connection did I fully comprehend what had just happened. When I did, it was the most profound moment in my life and in who I have been wanting to become. Feeling safe in every cell in my body was the key I had been waiting for and this person had that key and unlocked that door for me. This person doesn’t even know what they did for me and how they helped.
I know your asking how does all this fit into intimacy and sex. IT IS THE KEY TO ALL OF IT! Being able to explore that part of yourself without feeling safe in your own skin will create fear, fear will create doubt and doubt will create destruction. Feeling safe will create the beauty to allow yourself to explore and to love all that you are. To love all your perfect imperfections that you are no matter what that is or looks like. Never hide and I promise, I myself will never hide again.